Lifestyle · music · Spiritual Journey

Just not my thing……

One struggle I have in my spiritual journey is connecting with Christian music. Gospel music.

Any kind of praise and worship.

Simply put, I just don’t prefer it as a genre. It is difficult for me to find songs, artists or even albums that I like.

Pop music, Trap music, Rhythm and Blues

all reign in my car.

I am all for Tunechi getting released from his Cash Money

contract so The Carter 5 can finally come out.

At church, I come late to avoid the music as much as possible.

That is my attitude and Holy Spirit is working on it.

So God send’s “River of Jordan” by Lecrae…my way…through Google Play.  🙂

Lecrae is a Grammy-winning hip-hop artist who is of faith.

The song is featured on the soundtrack for the 2017 movie, “The Shack”.

*loved this book*

Just like the novel and movie, the song details the journey of a relationship with God.

The journey begins with a person filled with pain, sadness and frustration:

What ya’ll want
I can’t live, can’t be free
I can’t be here
Gave my sweat gave my tears
Gave up all the best of my years
I done gave everything
I ain’t gained anything
Just pain and more sadness

Coming to God with a rebellious spirit, “Nah I ain’t livin’ for your love, Case dismissed I don’t need another judge”.

He isn’t living for God’s love or judgement of his life.

Which was modeled for him through religion.

This leads to the simple yet powerful chorus, at least for me:

I’m losing my religion
I’ve realized I wasn’t built for these conditions

By time the second verse ends, he has developed a relationship with God. Understands that even though they didn’t choose God, God chose them. Regardless of their flaws.

But faith keeps me from folding
It’s all I got left I’m left here with no one
I ain’t choose You but You say I’m chosen
And when I feel lost the cross all I hope in
I lost my religion but I found God
Sounds odd but I’m better at seeing how far
Did I come from the dark is the nights to the light
Irregardless of all of my many flaws

When Lecrae repeats the line, “I ain’t livin’ for your love, Case dismissed I don’t need another judge”, the tone has changed from a rebellious Spirit towards God to one towards the world.

He isn’t living for their love, only God’s love. He doesn’t need the world’s judgement, only God’s.

This song gave me life!

As soon as I heard it,there was an immediate connection with my Spirit.

Lecrae’s rap style combined with Breyan Issac’s voice makes for a great song.

Being on a spiritual journey is personal. Convictions are personal. Healing is personal.

For me, the only way for these truth to be revealed is through a relationship with God not through the rules of denominations/religion.

Only He knows our heart.

God know’s how He fearfully and wonderfully made me.

He knows the struggle.

 

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More Issues Than Vogue · Spiritual Journey · Uncategorized

Who gon stop me,huh?!

my-ego-level-kanye-thumb

So I went to the gym today and as I was working out, this song came on by Kanye West and Jay-Z from their “Watch the Throne” album, titled “Who gon stop Me”.

This is a great fitness song btw.

The bass and the beats per minute in the song are the perfect rhythmn for a good run. But the words are what keep pushing me to keep going even after I have tired myself out. The chorus anyway.

“I can’t stop”.

My Mental Answer: Nope.

“Who gon stop me?”

MMA: No one

“Who gon stop me, huh?”

MMA: I said …Nobody

Lots of obscenities flow through my mind. Geared toward the invisable haters I seem to only have when lip-rapping songs.

No one can stop me. I’m invincible. I’m on top of the world. I’m strong. #kanyeegoondeck

As soon as the chorus repeats, God and Pride answered the last 2 questions. Mind you,  I’ve heard Kanye ask these questions, so eloquently, through my earphones numerous times.

STOP!                HOLD UP!            WAIT A MINUTE!

Almost killed myself on the treadmill.

These are the kind of Christ checks that Holy Spirit lays on me on a day to day basis. Hour to hour basis. Minute by minute basis.

The appropriate word for this #christcheck is conviction.

Immediately, on a treadmill, I had a pride conviction, a revelation of how God communicates and a blog post.

Pride conviction:

My pride is my biggest problem. I either put myself below or above pthers.

Never equal.

This is the root of my evil and Vicky-like behavior. Projecting MY thoughts, feelings and insecurities on to others. As if their own are beneath or above my own.

This can stop me. This has stopped me.

God communicates through rejection:

God will stop an opportunity. A plan. A relationship. A mindset. A broken heart. A stronghold.

He has stopped all of these thing for me. Either because I wasn’t ready for it or it wasn’t right for me.

Obviously, these revelations aren’t revealed until afterwards.

For me anyway. Honestly, if He was speaking to me at the time, I was probably so wrapped into myself I wasn’t open to hear Him.

So He stops it.

Brings it to an end.

Maybe even demolishes it.

The great thing about it is He stops these things out of love. He knows the plans for us. He knows the plan for me.

He has plans to prosper and not to harm.

He has a plan for hope and a future.

These are His promises.

God can stop me.

Anytime.