More Issues Than Vogue · Spiritual Journey · Uncategorized

Who gon stop me,huh?!

my-ego-level-kanye-thumb

So I went to the gym today and as I was working out, this song came on by Kanye West and Jay-Z from their “Watch the Throne” album, titled “Who gon stop Me”.

This is a great fitness song btw.

The bass and the beats per minute in the song are the perfect rhythmn for a good run. But the words are what keep pushing me to keep going even after I have tired myself out. The chorus anyway.

“I can’t stop”.

My Mental Answer: Nope.

“Who gon stop me?”

MMA: No one

“Who gon stop me, huh?”

MMA: I said …Nobody

Lots of obscenities flow through my mind. Geared toward the invisable haters I seem to only have when lip-rapping songs.

No one can stop me. I’m invincible. I’m on top of the world. I’m strong. #kanyeegoondeck

As soon as the chorus repeats, God and Pride answered the last 2 questions. Mind you,  I’ve heard Kanye ask these questions, so eloquently, through my earphones numerous times.

STOP!                HOLD UP!            WAIT A MINUTE!

Almost killed myself on the treadmill.

These are the kind of Christ checks that Holy Spirit lays on me on a day to day basis. Hour to hour basis. Minute by minute basis.

The appropriate word for this #christcheck is conviction.

Immediately, on a treadmill, I had a pride conviction, a revelation of how God communicates and a blog post.

Pride conviction:

My pride is my biggest problem. I either put myself below or above pthers.

Never equal.

This is the root of my evil and Vicky-like behavior. Projecting MY thoughts, feelings and insecurities on to others. As if their own are beneath or above my own.

This can stop me. This has stopped me.

God communicates through rejection:

God will stop an opportunity. A plan. A relationship. A mindset. A broken heart. A stronghold.

He has stopped all of these thing for me. Either because I wasn’t ready for it or it wasn’t right for me.

Obviously, these revelations aren’t revealed until afterwards.

For me anyway. Honestly, if He was speaking to me at the time, I was probably so wrapped into myself I wasn’t open to hear Him.

So He stops it.

Brings it to an end.

Maybe even demolishes it.

The great thing about it is He stops these things out of love. He knows the plans for us. He knows the plan for me.

He has plans to prosper and not to harm.

He has a plan for hope and a future.

These are His promises.

God can stop me.

Anytime.

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Lifestyle · Spiritual Journey

Here’s to my first blog post!

Hello 30!

This is my first official day teetering on the hill I will eventually go over. The great #dirty30….

When it comes to my life, I’m not exactly placed where I want, let alone where I thought I’d be. Literally, I just came home to my mom’s house from a job that pays $10 an hour. Did I mention that I am a college graduate?!? .

My major was English… my concentration was literature and language arts. As a millennial, it is about as useful as basket weaving….. It is a concentration where you had no classes involving teaching yet when you tell people your major they think you are/want to be a teacher.

Sadly no… I don’t.

It is a degree where you are pretty good at everything with a specialty in nothing. Except papers and deadlines. People also think that you learn how to speak English.

Why?…..idk. 

Yes, so this is where I am at 30 years of age. In a life that one would not expect from a person who is well in to adulthood.

Again, I live with my mom.

My job pays little without a fancy title to even rely on.

I am single, with no prospects now or in the near future. ::sad face::

I have no kids and at no risk of even having a pregnancy scare.

Can we say that socially, I would be a scrub. 

Not spiritually. Not physically. Not mentally. Socially…..

But I’m sure that as I listed my current circumstances… you cringed.

Just a little.

It’s okay. It amazes me that I can even say that out loud.

This is all my doing though. I use to blame others for all of it but it just boils down to me. My actions. My heart. It was filled with everything but Him. 

These are my circumstances because of the life I use to lead. A life that was filled with pride, impatience, selfishness and lust. All of those things led to the… “Great Mistake.” …”The Great Sadness.”… hmm.. “The Darkness”?……

Yeah so I can’t think of any other alluring names for this time in my life but it was the beginning of my rock bottom. The beginning to the end of my old life. The beginning of the end of Vicky. 

This old life, filled with a series of mistakes, is not a life that I regret because it has led me to a new life. A victoriously new life that promises inner peace, the healing of my wounds, wisdom and the renewing of my heart. This is through God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. The trinity. My bae. Yah-weh.

My life now has a purpose. The purpose is to love God and to love others with a pure heart. Simple ….

Honestly, it is a constant struggle. Every day, hour and even second I am struggling to keep Vicky down and let Victoria rise. 

He promises that life with Him is meant to be enjoyed and not defined by where you are. He has placed me perfectly to share what it means to be joyful when your current place in life may not be. 

Anyways, this is my creative outlet as a typical millennial. 

This is my life as I know it…. with Him

A woman with a past to whom God has given a future ❤