Spiritual Journey · Uncategorized

Petty Preserves

Yes, old life life has been shed and a new life has begun…..

Yet, the petty remains.

It has been preserved.

This jar of petty preserves is more on the salty side though than the sweet.

Last week, while at work, I let my pettiness take lead while the Holy Spirit took a back seat.

Looking to Webster, petty is defined as “of little importance, trivial”.

Webster is a good source but my working definition is going to be from Urbandictionary.com, which defines petty as “making things normal people dismiss as trivial or insignificant in to excuses to be upset, uncooperative, childish or stubborn.”

The situation that would be deemed insignificant to others yet an excuse to be childish was my supervisor making a generous decision to come in to work early to help the team through a rush while I was out doing a catering delivery. Upon arriving back from the delivery, the supervisor decides to clock out and leave the building until her scheduled time. 

Needless to say, we were left hanging during a rush. After that, the supervisor went around and complained to other members of the staff about how the morning team left a mess for her to clean up. 

holyspiritblackgirl

After this, my perception of the supervisor as a leader completely changed as well as my attitude towards her. The next day, we didn’t work together.

But those last 2 days working with her……Petty Patty came out to deliver the petty preserves!

When Petty Patty comes out, she comes passive aggressively. The conversation is short and not particularly friendly. Not volunteering help when it was obvious it was needed. Staying to myself. Rolling my eyes. Just a very negative and unprofessional demeanor.

In my mind, I was teaching her a lesson. Showing her that when you just think of yourself, the whole team fails. Also, I justified my actions by saying that she needed to step up in to her leadership so I fell back in my willingness to help.

convictionball

All in all, the focus was on a tit for tat mentality. The focus was on my hurt and not serving my team in the best way possible.

Even with questionable leadership.

Honestly, I went AGAINST my natural reaction to help team members in trouble just so I could teach her lesson. So I could help her to step up in her role. Even more honest? I knew that I was being childish, selfish, prideful….and petty at the time.

Who am I? Who gave me that responsibility?

No one. That was not my role or responsibility.

After a couple days, the conviction came. It came hard. I did nothing to help the supervisor feel comfortable in their role. I not only lashed out on them but the consequences had an effect on co-workers working during that shift as well as the co-workers after the shift.

My actions failed my team in that way. Not the supervisor’s actions.

For 2 days.

How did I show that I was not of this world? How did I show that my actions were different from anyone else’s?

I didn’t.

Apparently after my last shift with the supervisor, there were a couple more rough ones that they weren’t able to handle.

The supervisor decided to part ways with the company.

Even though I knew that this person didn’t have the right personality for the job it wasn’t my job to make that realization for her. My job was to serve their needs at work while God helps them to make that realization.

 

 

 

More Issues Than Vogue · Spiritual Journey · Uncategorized

More Issues than Vogue: Fear

fear is real stewy

Just being able to share that truth is causing my heart to pick up speed.

This post has been in the making since…. I want to say the beginning of this blog.

What am I afraid of exactly?

Not snakes, insects or rodents.

Oh my!

But fearful of judgement, acceptance and my potential.

Walking with Christ is something I want to do with a full and open heart but  I am terrified of how I will be viewed by the world.

I am terrified of how I will be judged/shamed by the world. The world doesn’t understand that I am forgiven. The world isn’t patient with my short comings and strong holds. The world doesn’t always know my heart.

But the world is physically in front of me. The world is what I face everyday. I step in to it everyday just trying to be a little less of it than the day before. Sometimes a little less than even the hours before.

This fear of the world has prevented me from trying new things, meeting/connecting with new people. Fear has even prevented me from writing blog posts because the topic may not be good enough or too extensive.

Fear has stopped me from breaking the routine of work, gym and home.

Fear has prevented me from the ability to visualize the perfect career, relationship or even house.

If I can’t visualize it, how can God bless it? How can I not reach for it and fail just to know that what God has for me is better than I visualized?

It is so easy to for me to read the Bible everyday. As well as, daily check ins with convictions and small prayer requests of patience.

The hardest part for me is trusting God to take care of me when I take that leap of faith. My trust in Him is dependent on what I know about myself and not about what I know about Him.

My trust in Him is dependent on my capability, my past and my things within my power.

My, my, my.

It’s suppose to be His capability, His past and things within His power.

I KNOW this. Like I really do KNOW this.

I just can’t trust it.

Psychology Today, says that fear is a vital response that can be triggered by bad experiences and traumas. Which is true!

The world has hurt me beyond reason. The people of this world. The men of this world. The media of this world. The promises of this world.

It’s inconsistent. It’s trendy. I’ve spent so much time in this world that it has had an effect on my relationship with God.

Acknowledging that I have this fear, I looked up the term in the Bible App and within the results, there was a verse from Job. After Job cries out to God, his fried Elphaz speaks to him and says:

” Your words have supported those who were falling. You encouraged those with shaky knees. But now when trouble strikes, you lose heart. You are terrified when it touches you. Doesn’t your reverence for God give you confidence? Doesn’t your life of integrity give you hope?”  Job 4: 4-6

These words really resonated with me because I am someone who encourages the people around me. Always reminding others of what He has done but not doing it for myself.

My respect for Him does not give me confidence because I am too scared to allow the confidence/trust to build.

Another verse that touched me was from Psalms 118:6:

The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?

These are His words for me when I allow the judgement and perception of others to be the sole focus of my actions. Or lack of action.

Lastly, He told me in 2 Timothy 1:7: 

For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity but of power, love and self-discipline.

The spirit of fear did not come from Him. Where it came from doesn’t matter. All that does matter is that He didn’t bestow that feeling on me when it comes to experiencing Hi to the fullest.

He did give me a spirit of power to over come the fear and the self discipline to build the confidence in our relationship.

 

To God be the glory presently. To God be the glory when we overcome this fear.

 

 

 

 

Lifestyle · Spiritual Journey · Uncategorized

Ugh!…Church

 

This has been my sentiment lately when it comes to church.

My pastor, his delivery of the message and his testimony is great! It’s a huge church with a coffee shop. ** Lordbucks**  . Non-denominational.  Everyone greets you with a smile. The church itself is awesome. My spiritual journey officially began here with saying the prayer of salvation, getting baptized and involving myself with the church community.

There was a time I was heavily involved as a Pre-K volunteer, Young Adult group leader and going to service.

Every weekend.

Then…. at the top of this year, my presence in the church has become non-existent. No where to be found in the Pre-K room. Practically invisible in young adult groups. And never seen during service.

Why? might you ask…..

After careful prayer and reflection…

I don’t respond well to change. There is an anxiety there and I don’t know why.

It started last year when the room leader for Pre-K just left. With no explanation. We were close. Well, about as close as I would allow. She knew about the tough time I had when first arriving in Las Vegas. She related to me by telling me a few life experiences she had before Jesus. At times, we had that special non verbal eye contact when the kids did something crazy. We even did a Bible study with other members of the Pre-K team.

In my book, we were practically church bffs!

Then she left. Once she left, a lot of other volunteers left. Then new leaders stepped in and the vibe just wasn’t the same.

So once my Pre-K participation began to decrease my responsibilities in Young Adult began to increase. My former group leader had an opportunity to move to North Carolina and she took it. She asked me to be her apprentice and lead the group for the next session. I was so excited and said “Yes!”

 

Now, when the church says Young Adult, the age range is 18-29. In reality, the age range was 18-23. With a sprinkle of adults who were 25-27 years old. Then there was me, the only one approaching 30. Honestly, I was the only one approaching 30 with some real experiences about living life through the flesh. Didn’t they realize how much change happens between 18 and 29?? That’s like 3 different life stages in a 12 year frame!

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My group was cool. We had a good time but we never opened up the I imagined we would. Everything discussed was shallow. I wanted to go deeper but the connection with the women in the group just wasn’t there for me to feel safe enough to share my story.

Then the ministry leaders decided to bestow upon me a second apprentice. An apprentice I didn’t particularly care for. Nor choose. Nor was she apart of my group at all from previous sessions. At this point, everyone in my group is between the ages of 18-25.

The study discussions became a little bit more immature and not relatable for me. The social outings were more for their age range and not mine.

I have to admit…I love a good happy hour! Not necessarily for drinks but for food and ambience.

The disconnect was getting bigger by the day. Going to young adults every Saturday night was beginning to feel more like a chore/job. Everything that I was suppose to feel while doing life with these women…I didn’t feel it. No connection. No love.

There wasn’t even potential.

I know…I know…with God as our common trait there should always be potential.

I didn’t feel it, see it, smell it or even taste it.

Don’t get me wrong…I attended young adults for a little over a year and I didn’t feel the disconnect until the last 3 months of my leadership. There was a time, I looked forward to being there and seeing these women. But there was a change……

So why am I not seen during service?

Well, by the glory of God, our church was able to expand its auditorium in order to have more booty’s in the seats to hear the Word of God.

Which is fantastic! A lot of churches aren’t able to grow the way mine has. My church is flourishing and spreading the word of  Jesus…. but the expansion wasn’t only in the auditorium it was also with my disconnection.

As soon as they opened their doors and had the grand reopening, I stopped making an effort to attend. Lol. I make more of an effort to watch it online. Throughout the year, I’ve attended a handful of times and obviously I never regret it and always feel good afterwards.

But my excitement and motivation to go is gone.

My connection with my church is gone and I don’t know what to do.

I don’t respond well to change but is that the only reason?

As I am rereading my post, I see that a lot of my connection is placed in the people of my church and not the God of my church.

People are finniky. Ever changing. Full of fear.

Even me.

He isn’t.

Screenshot_20170605-175858

In Matthew 18:20 he says, “For where two or three, gather in my name, there am I with them.”

Let me just get those two or three!

 

 

 

Fitness · Lifestyle · Uncategorized

#WorkoutWednesday

Of all days to workout, Wednesday, for me, is a great choice.

It could be because it starts with “W”. Like the word workout! 😊

Or that it helps me to get over the hump of the week. 🙌🏽

Realistically, if I haven’t worked out by Wednesday… I feel very guilty 

Being active has become a crucial part of my life and it sucks when I can’t make the time to do it. 

One great app that helps keep me on my toes is the “Tabata Timer.”

Screenshot_20170510-205723

It’s great for High Intensity Interval Training (H.I.I.T).

H.I.I.T is a form of exercise training that alternates between periods of intense exercise and less strenuous recovery

What I love about the “Tabata Timer” app is that it allows you to be creative with your workout and choose how long you want the high/low intervals to last.

For me,  H.I.I.T is a great fitness representation of life. The ups, downs, recovery and your attitude from beginning to end.

**Yes, God wants to be put first in your workouts too.**

There is even a timer for preparing your equipment and cooling down!

Screenshot_20170510-204656

Today, I had my intervals set at 20 seconds of work and a 10 second rest. 

That is my baseline. I never go lower. 

When I want to work really hard, I go for a 40 seconds of work and 20 seconds of rest. 

High Intensity exercises could be pushups, squats, mountain climbers or straight leg bicycles. 

**What ever exercise you hate is what I suggest for the high intensity interval. 😉**

For the rest/less strenuous intervals, stretching, walking around and deep breaths that last 4 seconds (inhale and exhale) work well. 

You’re slowing down the heart rate so you can bring it back up. 

**Breath control like this has been very beneficial for my anxiety attacks. And my temper.😊**

Down in the bottom left, you can choose how many cycles you want to do. 

A cycle is one interval of work with one interval of rest. 

Another reason I like the 20-10 intervals is that I can easily time my workout. 

2 cycles= 1 minute.

For a 15 minute exercise, it’s 30 cycles. 

30 minutes=60 cycles. 

When I do a 40-20, the timing comes out weird. I can’t figure out how to equal 30 minutes of total exercise time. It’s just too much thought.🤤🤤

Lastly,  the best part of the app is that it is free!! 

Who doesn’t love a free Fitnes app that is of great quality?

Your able to listen to your music from any source as well as hear the timer bells when the intervals change.

The calendar helps to keep track of your workouts too. 

All around, great fitness app for me!

Anyone else have any fitness app faves?

Career · Finance · Lifestyle · Spiritual Journey · Uncategorized

Answered Prayers #1

Thank you God!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽

To God be the glory! 🙏🏽🙏🏽

After a lost job opportunity, I didn’t know how to get back on my feet, emotionally or financially, just making $10 an hour.

The rejection hurt so bad that when I received opportunities for job interviews, I wouldn’t show up. 😔

Negative voices in my head would flair.

The fear was real. 🤤

This week I made it a point to face this fear and interview with the people who requested it.

If given the chance.  😔

Honesty was a key factor with the interviewers.  I let the employers know that even though I have a job, I’m looking to either supplement my income or find one job that increases my overall income.

As most millennials, I went to my Bible app and searched “God Provides”.

I chose 2 Corinthians 9:10  and listen to it repeatedly before the 2 interviews🤗🤗 as a reminder that “God is the one who provides seed for the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will provide and increase your resources and then produce a great harvest of generosity in you.”

From this, I know that my livelihood does not depend on other people.

It depends on God.

With that, immediately my confidence grew and the anxiety subsided.

He provides the job and the income. He determines the increases and decreases of the paycheck.

As much pressure as I put on myself to make more money, I forget that my household is taken care of.

My car is almost paid for and it has gas in it.

An actual savings account 🤗

A student loan has been paid off.

Cable, internet, Hulu and Netflix reign in the house along with power, gas and water.

My job, although modest, is an honest living.

God has blessed me and my household.

Through me He is able to bless others.

In November of 2015, I made a 2 year pledge to my church to donate $3600 for their Hope For All campaign.

Currently,  I’m less than $100 away from meeting my goal.

Which means by time November 2017 comes, I would have surpassed it.

We would have surpassed it.

Also, I’m only trying to impress God. His expectations are the ones I want to meet.

I have to constantly remind myself of that.

If an employer doesn’t see my value,  it’s okay because Jesus does. He will provide an employer who sees the best.  He knows my heart.

He knows the best fit for me.

With these reminders, I know that God is always working on all areas of my life even when it doesn’t feel like it.

He is working for my livelihood when I’m worrying over my job title and wage.

All in all, my heavenly Father has blessed me with an additional stream of income.

A second job!

Enough to meet my personal safety net of a monthly income.

Through my financial struggle season, I learned how to budget. 💲💲

He has blessed my financial knowledge. 👑

My additional income will be a blessing.

This is how He works. My father. My protector.

Everything was laid at the cross. Fears, pride and worry.

After Him, my blog audience was the second one I told. 😁

Thank you Father!!

Lifestyle · More Issues Than Vogue · Spiritual Journey · Uncategorized

He Knew I Had Issues

More issues than Vogue!

Let’s say PEOPLE….. their issues are weekly.

So I have more issues than a weekly magazine and they range in the topics of pride, love, health and finance.

Pretty much my life. My life is an issue.

But today’s issue is TRUST.

I have trust issues.

This world convinced me to place my trust in their worldly beliefs, people and myself.

When I did that… the worldly beliefs failed. The people failed. And I failed.

Again.

So I say this again, I have trust issues.

In order to have an issue with something it will probably help to have a working definition.

Trust is defined as a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something.

Just typing that definition makes me wonder … how I could ever place my trust in anyone or anything other than my Heavenly Father?

Well it is very easy to do so.

A person who has a trust issue may build social barriers as a defense mechanism to ensure that trust is not lost again. These barriers are often a way of avoiding the pain, rejection, or guilt associated with mistrust.

My misplaced trust in the world left me broken and damaged. It left me coming to God with an “I’ve got nothing else to lose” attitude because I felt the world had broken me down to nothing.

A lot of life experiences especially with men caused me to have issues with trust.

Makes sense, right?

My unresolved trust issues with men carried over in to my new relationship with Jesus.

Even thinking back on it, I had a very pessimistic and limited mind frame when it came to new love opportunities.

  • Never wanted to get married.
  • Never thought about kids.
  • Samantha Jones was my idol.
  • Never catch real feelings

All of this stemmed from pain, a broken heart.

Trust issues.

Generally, if a woman has issues with men it is caused by issues with the father. This is no different.

My father was a great man. My best friend. He attended all the sports activities, drove me to the mall, took me shopping and made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. He had flaws though. A major one was:

Broken Promises.

He would try his best.

He would really want to do it.

A lot of the time it just never came in to fruition. Most of the time, really.

He disappointed me so many times that if he ever said he was going to do anything or buy something I would never allow myself to get excited until I was right there or it was in my hand.

Being able to speak things in to existence wasn’t a skill he was blessed with.

I had a firm belief in the reliability of his words.

His words weren’t reliable.

Trust Issue.

Issues with Dad lead to issues with men. So here comes me in my first “relationship”. I am 17 and he is 26.

So promising, right?

We were together for 6 years.

I would say together, he would say best friends….

This was a very tumultuous relationships. Lots of ups and downs. When I think about it, all that comes to mind are the downs. We were living in sin, so what do you expect?

Our relationship just seemed like a big lie. There was lying and cheating on his part which resulted in a revenge plot that involved lying and cheating on my part. To this day, I don’t think there was ever a time when there wasn’t another woman around.

Later on, I found out he had a baby with someone else while we were living together.

I had a firm belief in the truth he was telling me.

He wasn’t tell me the truth.

Trust Issue

Let’s fast forward to my last relationship. We were together officially 2 months shy of 2 years but we remained together off and on for three and a half years.

We lived in sin too. We failed.

This was the relationship that revealed how many issues I really had. I thought the only problem we could ever have was cheating.

That was the least of our problems.

In this relationship, I had a communication problem. The strength to stand up for myself and for how I feel was never there to tell him. It was there to tell my family and friends but not him.

I never told him about that period of time that changed the course of my life. The way he found out was not fair to him at all. It wasn’t fair because I wasn’t the one who told him. He had to hear it from someone else.

He had a firm belief in my ability to communicate for our relationship.

My ability to communicate was lacking.

Trust Issue.

So when it was time to talk to him about it, the only emotion I received was anger and resentment. It is understandable, given the severity of what happened and the changes it would cause to our household.

What wasn’t understandable was why the emotions never changed to understanding, compassion and love. Every time we talked about it, his demeanor and energy would change and he would just get upset all over again. I wasn’t able to come to him even though I was still going through a lot emotionally over this.

I had a firm belief in his strength to forgive and move on.

He didn’t have the strength to forgive and move on.

Trust Issue. 

After all this, I’m coming to another man with unresolved trust issues.

Jesus.

With steel walls built around my heart, security guards, vicious pitbulls, barbwire and an occasional landmine.

To deter anyone from entering.

A sign that reads “Beware of Crazy” just wouldn’t do.

Through His word He is helping me to solve these issues with Him first before he would dare send me back in the dating world.

It is always Him first.

Let me tell you though, Jesus spits game …..

He told me he is the same yesterday, and today and forever.

Consistent.

He told me that I matter to him, I am the apple of his eye and that He loves me with an everlasting love.

God is Draking for me!!

Most importantly He forgives me. He is patient with me. He listens to me. He wants nothing but good for me.

Day by day there is one less security guard.

One less vicious pitbull.

One less landmine.

And the steel wall becomes a little more worn.

Jesus knows I have this stronghold and He works with me so WE can release it. #bettertogether

He is Lord without lording it over my head.

That’s why Yahweh is my bae ❤

Ballin on a Budget · Finance · Uncategorized

Ballin on a Budget: Beauty

In the last year, I have really been working on my finances.

From increasing my credit score, building a savings accounts and limiting my frivolous spending.

For Lent in 2016, I did a budget challenge through a fellow blogger and financial educator, Tiffany “The Budgetnista” Aliche, and only spent money on bills and necessities.

This helped me realize how much I waste money at vending machines, in the check out line at the store, and even out “gettin lit” and “turning up” at bars.

This challenge did have an effect on my beauty life.

There was no mani, pedi or grooming of the facial hair. ( eyebrows people!)

…… and an occasional upper lip.

Anyways, today I decided to do away with gel manicures. As someone who works in the food industry, the trendy manicure is a great way to have beautiful nails and not have to worry about constant chipping.

They really do last. Unless…. you work in restaurants. Where your hands are constantly bumping, smacking and rubbing up against the edges and corners of furniture. My hands are also in and out of sanitize solution and getting washed numerous times a day.

Needless to say, my hands go through it!

After a week, I have cracks and then a day or so after that.. the chipping begins.

Always in the same places … smh.

So I decided to get the gel polish taken off and regular nail lacquer put in it’s place.

Instead of picking out a color at the salon, I decided to buy my own polish.

This way, if my nails chip or the color is looking less than vibrant.. ..I can just touch it up at home. I don’t have to go back to the salon and search the endless polishes to decided if that was the right color. Nor do I have to pay someone else to do it for me.

Generally, a gel manicure costs $30-50. I don’t have the polish or a UV ray light thingy to do touch ups at home. Therefore, I am forced to go back to the salon or pay more money for gel polishes and buy the equipment to make sure that the polish works.

A major con for me with gel manicures is that my nails become very weak and brittle. Once the gel is taken off, it is only a matter of minutes before my actual nail is cracked, split or broken.

This is suppose to be healthy for my nails? The nail technician even said that it would make my nails stronger.

Sadly, it does not. It helps them grow but my nails lack strength and luster. They also have dents in the nails that take forever to grow out!

Today, I paid $4 for my nail polish and $17 for the technician to remove the gel polish and replace it with regular polish. I now can do my own touch ups at home and save the extra money!

A regular manicure costs $10-15. Which isn’t so bad if I can keep up the shape and color for about a month or so. If not, a quick polish change at the salon is $5-7.

I trust their technique when it comes to applying the polish anyway.

When I do it… it looks like my 3 year old nephew did it.

I use to care a lot about what kind of polish was used. Honestly, I still kind of do. On my Facebook feed, a lot of statuses from females will put other females down if their nails aren’t up to the standard of gel polish and designs.

Why do we do that to each other?

My reasons for keeping up with gel polish were superficial and shallow and not worth going broke for. Pride.

Will these females help me save for my next vacation? or for my house?

The Lord has blessed my financial knowledge and is revealing to me some great ways to feel beautiful without breaking the bank.

Thank you, Jesus!

Here’s to great nails!

 

 

Lifestyle · More Issues Than Vogue · Spiritual Journey · Uncategorized

Today I Yelled at God

because I am so frustrated. Every time I think I am going forward in life with Him, He responds with “NO!”

No career change.

No promotion.

No exotic vacation.

No house of my own.

During my temper tantrum, I told Him I was frustrated with where I am.

Today was the day I was told that if I wanted a house now my loan would max at $70,000. My lender said she would keep in touch every 90 days to see how I am financially.

Simply put, I was doing everything right to make my credit better but I’m not making enough money to afford a house.

Mind you, I began this housing process when I believed I was going to be making a career change and making a decent salary between both jobs.

He told me No then too.

So after the last No, I unleashed it all on Him.

“I can’t hear You.”

“These other voices are too loud.”

“Why am I here?”

“What do you want me to do?”

“AAAAHHHH!”

I literally felt like I was schizophrenic. I was crying so hard. My heart felt like it had enough of His “No.”

Through this lashing out, I found out that the real issue was that I allowed other people to talk me in to applying for something I knew that I wasn’t ready for. Career change or not. I’m on a plan to get my student loans out of default and my car will be paid off in a couple of months.

I even have three savings accounts. It is taking time but I’m doing it. He is bringing blessing to the financial knowledge I have acquired in the last year.

My anger was at the foolishness I felt when the lender told me my income was too low. The feeling was embarrassment.  Which stems from who?

Pride.

Again.

Applying for something before He has prepared me for it. You know what would’ve been more embarrassing? Foreclosure. Or not being able to qualify for anything at all.

The lender told me that I was on the right track. I just need to increase my income.

The way I am perceived brings such anxiety to me.  Almost to the point of being anti social. I projected my feelings on to the lender and how I thought she viewed me. I take a lot of pride in how others think of me. My #vickybelief is that they should think positively of me.

Also, I allowed people to talk me in to something I didn’t want to do. He gave me a timeline and I went against it. I didn’t fully believe that His timeline was enough. It is prideful to think less of yourself.

My fault.

#christcheck #conviction #revelation #hispromises #wisdom

As a child of my heavenly Father, I do believe that I am allowed a tantrum. We have them with our biological parents, right?

I even thinks He enjoys it because I came to Him not friends, family or vices.. Even in anger and frustration at Him, He gave me peace.

He laid on my heart to go to the gym and run it out. I did. I even asked for Him to hold my hand while doing tough intervals.

So, today I yelled at God with every being inside of me.
It turns out I was yelling to God about my very being.

More Issues Than Vogue · Spiritual Journey · Uncategorized

Who gon stop me,huh?!

my-ego-level-kanye-thumb

So I went to the gym today and as I was working out, this song came on by Kanye West and Jay-Z from their “Watch the Throne” album, titled “Who gon stop Me”.

This is a great fitness song btw.

The bass and the beats per minute in the song are the perfect rhythmn for a good run. But the words are what keep pushing me to keep going even after I have tired myself out. The chorus anyway.

“I can’t stop”.

My Mental Answer: Nope.

“Who gon stop me?”

MMA: No one

“Who gon stop me, huh?”

MMA: I said …Nobody

Lots of obscenities flow through my mind. Geared toward the invisable haters I seem to only have when lip-rapping songs.

No one can stop me. I’m invincible. I’m on top of the world. I’m strong. #kanyeegoondeck

As soon as the chorus repeats, God and Pride answered the last 2 questions. Mind you,  I’ve heard Kanye ask these questions, so eloquently, through my earphones numerous times.

STOP!                HOLD UP!            WAIT A MINUTE!

Almost killed myself on the treadmill.

These are the kind of Christ checks that Holy Spirit lays on me on a day to day basis. Hour to hour basis. Minute by minute basis.

The appropriate word for this #christcheck is conviction.

Immediately, on a treadmill, I had a pride conviction, a revelation of how God communicates and a blog post.

Pride conviction:

My pride is my biggest problem. I either put myself below or above pthers.

Never equal.

This is the root of my evil and Vicky-like behavior. Projecting MY thoughts, feelings and insecurities on to others. As if their own are beneath or above my own.

This can stop me. This has stopped me.

God communicates through rejection:

God will stop an opportunity. A plan. A relationship. A mindset. A broken heart. A stronghold.

He has stopped all of these thing for me. Either because I wasn’t ready for it or it wasn’t right for me.

Obviously, these revelations aren’t revealed until afterwards.

For me anyway. Honestly, if He was speaking to me at the time, I was probably so wrapped into myself I wasn’t open to hear Him.

So He stops it.

Brings it to an end.

Maybe even demolishes it.

The great thing about it is He stops these things out of love. He knows the plans for us. He knows the plan for me.

He has plans to prosper and not to harm.

He has a plan for hope and a future.

These are His promises.

God can stop me.

Anytime.